Europhrenia - That market news explained

And so to The Guardian and the FT. We have been given to understand that another turbulent day has bewildered the world's markets. Only yesterday they rallied after the announcement of the €750bn eurozone bailout package. Today, that powerful mind like time lapse shots of a fast evolving weather pattern is “losing faith”. This has not prevented the press from relaying the appropriately named Italian economist - Marco Annunziata's - declaration that the whole thing is “shock and awe, Part II and in 3-D”. Meanwhile, over in London, “on the Evening Standard's report that Cameron could be anointed as prime minister tonight” the British Pound has “bounced back.”

The mind boggles. A Pound bounces, a Tory is anointed. And who shall pour the oils onto the head of the Cameron? And why do the market men mutter in the torments of unbelief like friars of melancholy? So they have not harked to the shining vision that Mark of the Annunciation has beheld? Or do they require further proof that all will be well? If so, I suggest that Nicolas Sarkozy and Angela Merkel unveil once and for all the ultimate game plan for the salvation of the Euro and of the world. And let’s hope it’s something dead impressive like that glittering planet sized foetus last seen at the end of Stanley Kubrick’s 2001. Otherwise, at the very least, market metaphors and similes are really going to get worse.

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